GEEZ! It seems like every year I seem to remember that I have a blog! LOL ! I cannot believe it take me this long to write on here! Well it has been a year or so and I am now 25!! AHH! How has time come and gone! But I can honestly say that I am feeling better than I have been in the past years! I do admit that their has been days when I do not feel so well but overall it has been more good days than bad days!
As I continue through my battle with anxiety and depression I know that the devil is fighting so hard to see me defeated because God has great thing in store for me! I know that God is trying to teach me so many things and one of them is to depend on him always! I must admit that I am/was one of those people that when things are tough I always pray but when life is not so tough I tend to forget to give thanks!
Recently I am going through a financial struggle where I might get my main source of income taken away permanently and I cannot help but wonder what God is trying to teach me. And I talk to God and ask (complain) why this is happening to me and with my conviction I hear him telling me You depend more on this money than me! You trust this source of income more than me! And actually a couple of days before I had heard the bad news I remember being in my brothers room and thinking in my head I don’t need anything I have this great source of income! And well aren’t we so silly!
As I am going through this struggle I know that the life I was living was not ok! Financially I was just buying stuff to fill my hole (insecurities) just to have that feel good moment. And well I can definitely say that my husband was not happy with my spending habits. Why is it that when we go through a struggle we can see things we were doing in the past so clearly such a mistake? But I am honestly praying that God give me wisdom to make the right choices and to give me maturity! But I ask of you to help me pray and God’s will be done!
Philippians 4:19 “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Until Next Time!
P.S. I will be on here more instead of spending time and money on eBay!
My name is Karla. I am 23 years old and I live in Dallas. I will be talking about my whole experience of dealing with my anxiety. I have had anxiety I feel my whole life. The first ever panic attack was when I was 5 years old, my uncle had recently died and my parents told me that he forgot how to breathe! Worst thing ever to tell a child!!!! So all these years that has followed me in the back of my head! (NOT GOOD) Before I was 8 I was implanted some crowns on my teeth and something happened and they couldn’t stop the bleeding from my tooth and I remember that I went to several places including hospitals and no one could help me! Ahh! I remember that I would fill up bath towels of blood. But thank God the pastors from the church we were going to schedule an appointment with their dentist. So the point of that mini story was that after all that happened to me I was scared to swallow my own saliva because I though it was blood. But my mom sat me down and told me it wasn’t blood but saliva. Oh My! Why was I afraid! Then as time passed I was afraid of the dark and afraid to sleep alone in my room. Then that too passed! Thank God! Then during my early teenage years I had this urge to pee! I was afraid that I wasn’t able to find a restroom. And that too passed! As I write this I think why was I so afraid!!! Then when I was 16 I got pregnant! No Bueno! Got married shortly after with a wonderful man that has stuck with me all this time!!! My son was born when I was 17! That time was very difficult for me as I did not ask for help because I was afraid and disappointed in myself I felt I took the whole load. Take 3 years of that and one day as I was working and going to school. I was driving to work early in the morning and BOOM! I have a nervous breakdown! Felt afraid that something bad was going to happen to me and that no one will help me! The worst! And since then I was been in my battle. It started with that back in 2012 and now present day 2015 I am still in that battle. I have fear of being alone. But I feel that all comes down to forgetting how to breath. I know I will never forget how to breath but the devil tries to put negative thought to my head! As a matter of fact today 6/19/2015 the devil had me entrapped in my head the thought that I wasn’t able to breath till my husband got home! NEGATIVE THOUGHT! I was able to breath through that thought! Devil trying to destroy me! But I know GOD is fighting my battle! And I know I that God will never leave me! I know that when I am afraid God is with me! And my anxiety is so out of control! And now as I wrap this thing up its getting dark the devil is trying to put thoughts in my head that I won’t be able to be ok during the darkness but I know that we need the night to rest and that the sun will appear on the other side of the planet and that animals need night to like us. I even feel crazy writing this! But I know like all things this will pass too because my trust and faith is in him and I shall not fear…. to be continued!
1 Peter 5:7
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.